His Happiness is Mine
by powerpuffs621
Summary: The issue that plagued him now was not one that could be solved by battle experience, nor by the magic of any wizard, or even the advice of the wisest man. Pippen had been foolish enough to fall for someone close to him. The person closest to him. Merry. Love was a tricky game that was never truly won but could surely be lost. Slash. Yaoi. Lemon. Merry/Estella, Merry/Pippin.


His Happiness Is Mine

The sun streamed through the tree leaves above, casting golden rays upon the grass. It was here Pippin laid thinking about his troubles. Few years had passed since the battles of the Ring, and since returning, Pippin had finally found time to ponder what to do with his life now.

Here he sat by the riverbank like he had before the crazy quest had started, and it was still the same as always though he could not tell if he was as well. Worrying about his old issues seemed trivial, compared to the trials and terrors of fighting for his life on an almost a daily basis, but Pippin supposed he must get used to living in the Shire again eventually. Still a fool of a Took, the battles of Gondor left a much wiser head on his shoulders. Yet all the experience in the world could not help him now.

The issue that plagued him now was not one that could be solved by battle experience, nor by the magic of any wizard, or even the advice of the wisest man. And though every young hobbit had to wrestle with this at one time or another, it was extra hard for Pippin. Love was a tricky game that was never truly won but could surely be lost. While many hobbits were spending the summer courting a lass or lad, the opposite of themselves respectively, Pippin found himself at a loss. For in place of a lass, he desired a lad who he could not have.

A hobbit of his persuasion was rare enough in the Shire but it was not the fear of being shunned by his fellow hobbits that stilled his searching. Rather it was the fear of losing a close friendship, as Pippen had been foolish enough to fall for someone close to him. The person closest to him. Merry.

It had come out of nowhere, or at least it appeared so. So long ago now but recent enough to still make him reel, a few days short of the epic quest, they had bathed in the same river he now overlooked on a day just as sunny. Merry's head had splashed out from the river depths, his wet curls swaying. He had stood up into a beam of sun, the water making him sparkle while Pippin happened to be watching. The revelation of a beautiful Merry shook his mind. It brought to light everything else that followed. Even after they had dried and smoked pipe-weed in the evening, under cover of darkness and in clothes, Pippin's cheeks lit up the same. That had been the beginning of it, when the idea of being attracted to his male best friend had first emerged.

He hadn't much processed it before he got caught up with the Ring business, putting itself on the back burner mainly, filtering through his thought on occasional spare moments. It had overtaken him when they had been split apart. The tears he shed missing him as though he were dead had been numerous, enough to fill an ocean.

Then it had been over. Returning home had felt wonderful, and seeing Merry again had dredged up tears from his eyes again. The joyous shout of 'Pippin!' had been the happiest moment he could remember. Pippin called upon it in times such as this, when he got too sorrowful in his musings.

"Pip!" And here was the hobbit himself, plunking down beside him without a care in the world. Pip matched Merry's smile for the other's sake, even while his cares crushed him

"Hey Merry, what's up?" Every terrible feeling vanished at Merry's smile. The blonde curls were shaking, excited, electric. The energy in his best mate was incomparable.

"I managed to get a few dates with lasses about the Shire. My father is getting on me about my duties to my line, so I thought to start looking. I wanted to tell you when I'd be busy, so we can make plans around it." Merry wrapped his arm around Pip's shoulders, a half hug of happiness. "You best get cracking on your own conquests Pip, before all the good ones are gone!"

Pippin forced the laugh, hoping Merry would buy it. If not, well, he'd take it as nerves. All of the thoughts in his mind resurfaced, crashing down, dragging out all of the sunshine from the sky. He suspected it would take the stars too had it been night. Instead, Pippin reflected the gesture, half hugging back.

"Don't worry about me Merry, it's you who'll have the trouble. Who'd go out with a bonehead like you?" The play shove knocked Pippin over, and the two laughed and wrestled in the dirt. The wide smile of the Brandybuck hobbit made him lock away his thoughts again for later. It would be best brought up in solitude.

The fighting ended, with Merry sitting on top of Pippin, whose face was practically in the dirt. Merry got up and offered a hand to his crushed cousin.

"Want to go light of fireworks is the farm?" Pippin grinned and took his hand. They were off.

#

"I'm telling you Pip, it was wonderful. Estella really is something. She seems to care about me, she's smart and pretty, or even puts up with all my foolishness. She might be the one for me Pip. I truly think so." Merry was smoking on Pip's front porch as he had just returned from the date itself, and Pip's had been on the way. This had been his third date with Estella, and while too soon to call it definite, he could feel the proposal in Merry's actions. Pippin bit his tongue.

"Then I'm glad you found her Merry. She's not a pushover though. Estella'll eat you alive if you do something stupid." Pippin took a deep puff from his own pipe.

"Oi! That's what you'd do. I'm the smart one between the two of us." That drew a chuckle from the brunette.

"Yeah, but with how stupid I am, that's not saying much, is it?" They laughed again, this time looking up at the stars. Pippin tried to lose himself in the sky, and not feel like his heart was breaking. It was a foolish thing to try, but Pippin was nothing if not a fool.

"On a serious note, Pip, I really do think I could marry her. Out of every lass I've met, she's the only one I could even consider. Proposing is a long way off, but I can still feel it."

The silence surrounded them, and Merry settled for staring into the sky contented. Jealousy and anger faded with those words, and as much as he wished it, he could not hate his love for not returning said love, just as he could not hate him for being happy. If Merry was happy, Pippin would be happy. Those words were all that guided him in the coming months, long after Merry had bid him farewell that night and walked the path home.

#

He and Estella were on a back and forth schedule. Merry alternated between them, proof enough how dear she was to his heart. Pippin tried to ask a girl out a time or two, but always fell short when he got close. It was misleading and unfair to any woman he thought to ask, when his heart belonged to another, to ask for that woman's heart in turn. Today was supposed to be Estella's, and he had accepted that well. He spent the day lounging about his small home he had sought to purchase to escape his family. Anymore botherings about marriage would kill him.

Somewhere between dinner and supper, he had gotten frantic knocks on his door. Imagine the surprise when Merry walked in, frazzled. His hair was more of a mess than usual, and he looked winded, as if he ran here. From the state of him, Pippin figured he had.

"Well hi to you too. I was just considering supper. Want a bite?" Pippin's heart lightened at the sight of him, but he held back too much hope. No time to be happy when Merry looked terrible.

"I…I have to talk to you. It's Estella." He gulped in air, and sat down on the nearest chair. Pippin pulled up one across from him, sparing a glance back at supper on the stove. It would take a while before he even had to check. He turned to give his full attention to Merry.

"Is she alright? Did you two have a row?" His hands folded over his lap, leaning back.

"She's okay, but we did have a row. She's asking the impossible of me Pip, and I'm at a loss. I really like her, but it's…" Merry trailed off, looking into Pippin's blue eyes. That got the message across. Pip nearly fell off the chair in his head, but kept his tone level and only physically sighed.

"She asked you to pick, didn't she? Me or her?" Merry didn't have to answer. His brown eyes laid it all out, confusion and sadness in all. He had to pick his love or his best friend. Pippin was glad he'd never have to make that choice; he'd either have both or none.

"Pip, what do I do? She says I'm spending too much time with you, especially since I love her. It's been six months, and that's a mighty long time for any hobbit to date without a proposal. She thinks being around you is bad for me, for me and her. You're my best friend Pip. She's the love of my life. It's not fair to cut either of you loose." Merry buried his face in his hands, the tips pulling on his light curls. Pippin couldn't stand that kind of sadness. Merry was Pippin's happiness. Whatever hurt him hurt Pippin. 'I would never make you choose.' The words sat like daggers at the edge of his tongue, but stayed from speaking. He couldn't influence Merry's choice. It was unfair, on all accounts, that there was a choice to begin with. His own feelings could not be allowed to sway Merry.

"Pip…please. What do I do? Together, you both make my everything. Both choices are terrible. But she won't have it. I need your help with this." Merry had already started to let teaks leak from his eyes, but Pippin blinked his back. He never would have to choose. He'd have both or none; but only one could eventually lead to a happy Merry, and that's the one that mattered.

"Go to her Merry. Choose her. You'll be happy, have a family, have a wife." Pippin was still holding back the tears, but it got harder with each word he spoke and each word Merry spoke about him. Merry had gone into full on ranting.

"But Pip, I need you too! You're everything she's not. I've not been just Merry since the moment you were born. It has been Merry and Pippin from the beginning!" Merry was standing, yelling now. He could only glare at his hands. "Why must I choose?!"

"Because you love a woman who asked you to." Pippin kept his gaze trained on the carpet. "Maybe someday, when you've been married for a while…she'll let us be friends again. If you choose me, you lose her. If you choose her, you'll never really lose me. Whenever she allows it again, I'll still be here. We're best mates. Always will be."

Merry was trembling now. He lacked the words to say, just glared at Pippin with his mouth open. When the words did come, they were laced with venom, bound to be regretted the moment they were given voice.

"Does this not hurt? How can you say it so calmly?! How can you just decide that, just end it?! How close are we?!" And then Pippin's own eyes went up to meet his, and Merry froze. Eyes just as broken and tear filled as his own, more emotions than he felt dancing there.

"It's because we're so close…I can't see you sad Merry, and losing her will kill you. I'll be alright. Just be happy. For me." Pippin averted his eyes, and he felt Merry walking slowly to the door.

"Are you sure Pip?"

"Go." And he did.

The slam of the door finally broke the damn of tears he held back. His whole body sagged with the weight of the pain, and he couldn't bring himself to stand, merely pull up his legs and bury his face between them. Merry's happiness meant much more than his own.

By time he had finished, he checked on supper to see it ruined. It was fine though. Pippin wasn't hungry anymore anyway.

#

Pippin had just been getting along. It had been a day by day kind of life. Everything just blurred together, and even though he had never left, many hobbits thought he no longer lived in the Shire. A concerned Samwise had made sure to check on him every week or so this month, but it hadn't done much good. The past six months had taken a toll that couldn't really be fixed with simple words of encouragement.

After Merry had left, he had proposed one month later, and was now engaged to Estella with no set wedding date as of late. The little news he heard of Merry made his days easier, especially the good bits. Merry's happiness was his.

Pippin had about given up his plan to get over Merry, as it was doomed from the start. For a long time, they had been one person, and the reason they were no longer was the opposite reason for needing to get over him. His love had sent him away, and getting over it would have only made his company easier to bear. Why bother when his company was no longer present?

"Pip, open up mister!" Pip dragged himself out of his chair, to the door. The sun said it was around noon; Pip could have cared less.

"Hello Uncle Pippin!" Elanor Gamgee rushed in to meet him, hugging him tight enough to break a leg or two. Sam followed in behind her, laughing whole-heartedly. Pippin smiled lightly.

"Sorry to bring along the girl, she was being a bit feisty today and thought some air would do her some good. And she missed you." Pippin kneeled down and laid a kiss atop the young girl's head, and hugged her pack from her level, picking her up afterward.

"It's okay Sam. It's nice to see you both." They went into the kitchen where Pip opened his drawer or sweets, passing one to Elanor. Samwise sighed.

"Oh sure, send her home sugar full." He sat down at the round kitchen table, looking around at the place. Even with all the windows, it felt so dark, like at night with a single light.

"That's the plan! Revenge for bringing the brat." He tickled her mercilessly until she asked to play in the yard. Sam pushed her out the door with warnings about straying too far. He was made to live a family life, loving and kindness were a natural to Samwise.

"She served her purpose for bringing her here. It's nice to see you smile again, and she drags them out of you. Me and Rosie are worried about you. You're so…" The word didn't need to be spoken aloud. _Dead_. Sam had never managed to get a word out him about why, and only repeated 'I'm fine's when he pushed. He pulled out his pipe to chew on the end.

"…I know." Sam moved closer at that. Pippin could feel the hope radiating from the man. Sam had just been there for him lately, in the only way he really could be, and Pippin suddenly understood why Frodo always gave Sam half the credit for his part in the quest; the complete friendliness made everything a little easier.

"Then why do you keep doing this Pippin? What happened?" Pip checked the door to be sure Elanor was gone, letting out a shaky breath.

"Sam…If I tell you something, do you promise to never let it leave this room?"

"Of course!"

"It's Merry…I can't get over him. I'm trying to live without him…but imagine a world without Frodo or Rosie." Sam frowned at that, biting into the pipe harder.

"I heard Estella made him choose you or her. He chose her, which I never quite got. But why is it like losing both Frodo and Rosie?"

"Because he is both to me." The pipe fell to the table. Pippin wouldn't meet his eyes, because he didn't want to feel hurt again. He really shouldn't have said anything, but he needed to tell someone. It was all could do to not end himself, besides the promise of always being there for Merry.

"You love him?" It was low, but still soft. Pippin could feel a tear or two leaking. He looked up to Sam.

"With everything I have." Sam moved his chair closer, patting him on the back. The man looked shattered, and Sam partly knew how it felt to believe you'd lost everything. It had been those last few months when it had all seemed hopeless.

"Then I apologize for making it sound simple. I only ever had to worry about losing one. I'm not sure I'd have held together as well as you have had both been gone."

"I have no choice. I made Merry a promise I'd always be there for him. I told him to choose her…This was my choice. I can't just change it now. His happiness is mine." Pippin let his forehead rest on the table, cool and firm. Sam could only look on in pity. What a terrible fate, to love one who could not love you back, to find a soul mate only to have it taken. The gay part be damned, it'd be hard for anyone.

"Are you sure, Pippin? Because I heard he's quite happy, and you don't seem to be."

"It's the best I could do." Elanor burst back into the door, holding a handful of dandelions. She handed them to Pippin.

"Why are you crying?"

"I was telling your daddy a sad story. But your flowers will make me feel better, thank you." Pippin smiled through the red eyes, and Sam picked his pipe back up, more concerned than ever.

#

It had been two months after Pippin had told Sam that he had found a weary Merry on his doorstep. The blonde looked like he'd been drinking, but he was soaked from the pouring rain. Merry had no reason to be here. His eyes looked to where his ring should be. It was gone.

"Pip?" He stumbled forward, and Pip caught him, soaking himself in the process. Questions burned his throat, but all that came out was, "It's okay. I'm here," more times than he could count.

Pippin dragged him to the back of the house, towards a bedroom, taking off his clothes. The panic and confusion were outweighing the arousal, keeping him from molesting a clearly upset man. He dug through his closet, giving Merry some warm pajamas, and leading him to the main room, where a fire would warm him quickly. A blanket was placed around the shivering man before he could get any words out, but not before the tears.

"Pip…Me and Estella are done."

"Why?" And he hoped that wasn't too quick. No hoping, because his heart couldn't stand it, but he wanted to hope so badly. Could he have his Merry back again? Would he be the same, even after losing her? He couldn't tell.

"You were the biggest thing. After you, she just kept _chipping_ away. She wanted me to give up everything. One thing after the other. First you, then pranks, then pipe-weed, and going out with other friends. Then ale. She wanted me to give up everything about me. She loved my name, not me…" He sniffled pathetically on the couch.

"I'm sorry Merry. I know what she meant to you." Pippin knew exactly what she meant to him, and she had tried to change Merry into someone else. Into someone who wasn't his Merry.

"No Pip. I'm sorry! I should have picked you. I've been right miserable without you to pal around with. I was a terrible friend. You shouldn't even want to talk to me, but here you are, taking care of me after I left you…" Merry had stopped crying, just looked sadly into the flames. Pippin sat down beside him, hugging him.

"Foolish Brandybuck. I told you we'd be best mates always. I meant it." That got a small chuckle.

"I suppose we are. Though her family and mine are gonna be right pissed at me. Dug myself a grave. I don't know what to do now." Pippin was giddy over being able to hug Merry again, unable to think, lost in his scent. The next words were spoken without a spared thought.

"You could live here." Pippin tried not to stiffen at the words that he just spoke. That would be a kind of delicious torture unrivalled, but they could not be taken back, only left to hang between the small space between them.

"That'd…actually be perfect, granted you don't mind." Merry looked over at Pippin, smiling. A smile that could have gotten anything it wanted from Pippin.

"Well, I did suggest it." They both laughed, and grinned at the sound. To laugh in tandem, something he never realized he missed. "But more tomorrow. It's late. We need sleep if we're to face everyone tomorrow."

"You'll come with me?"

"Anywhere you want." Merry stood and hugged his best friend again. Pippin was floating.

"You're the best Pip." Pippen showed him to the spare room, still beet red from the compliment and the notion his best friend and love would be staying in his home. "Good night Pippin."

"Good Night Merry." It was the first night in a long while that Pippin had fallen to bed with dry eyes.

#

Happiness should have been the prevailing feeling for at least the next few weeks, possibly even months considering his prior state. It had only taken two weeks for Pippin to feel pain again as he had at the start of this whole issue. Pain was situational. Someone who sees their love everyday misses them immensely when parted for a week. Someone who sees their love every three months misses them immensely when parted for four. So while having Merry back had been wonderful, the feeling of love untold took little time to consume him as before.

The battle between Estella's and Merry's families versus Merry had been terrifying. Both sides were intense and unyielding, and living in Pippin's home was all that kept Merry's sanity. Everyone seemed to believe he was in the wrong. Pippin had just been there to hold Merry back from punching people mostly.

The settling in had taken little to no time at all, as Merry quickly slipped back into a life full of Pippin. Pippin was tormented by wet dreams and then nightmares about Merry finding out alternatively. Each day he would be happy to see Merry, and afraid to be around him. Merry never noticed, or never said anything. Maybe he did and blamed it on the separation.

Only a measly month after he moved in, it came to a head.

Sam had visited, with all his kids and Rosie, happy to be in a happy home. Frodo had even managed to stop by awhile despite all of his work. Frodo had left a bit past four, after which everyone went to the backyard to have fun.

Hide and seek commenced, with all the adults but Rosie joining in. Pippin ran into the small forest behind him. He had found a particularly large tree, diving behind it. He had been paying so much attention to little Elanor looking, he almost had run down the other person hiding.

"No fair Pip. I'm hiding here." Merry and Pip were almost nose to nose. Elanor was walking this way, if he heard right.

"I can't. She's coming. We'd both be caught. Quiet." Pippin and Merry stood face to face quietly, not making a sound. They were breathing the same air, and Pippin was getting lightheaded. Too close to his eternal crush.

Merry looked happy, enjoying the ability to let loose again, as Estella hadn't let him. Pippin smiled at that, while inwardly thinking of Elanor to keep from having a serious problem that Merry would feel. And speaking of Elanor…

"Gotcha!" Elanor pushed Pippin forward, and though she wasn't very strong, the distance wasn't that big. Merry and Pippin's lips met. Both sets of eyes remained wide, and it couldn't have lasted more than a moment before Merry broke off. Pippin could only stare in terror, and Merry laughed it off.

"Elanor, you gotta be more careful. You pushed Uncle Pippin into me." He got down on a knee and poked her softly in the nose. "Now go on and find the others. I think I heard your dad that way." She nodded and ran off in the direction he pointed. Merry stood up again to find Pippin hadn't moved an inch.

"Pip, it was an accident. No big deal. It's not like you really wanted to do that. Let's go back to Rosie." Pippin just vaguely nodded, barely following. His mind was everywhere.

The short kiss had been everything to Pippin. He refrained from licking his lips, if only to let the taste of Merry sink in and stay there. Every feeling in his whole heart had leaped at it, and shocks had run down his spine. He swore he could feel fireworks. But Merry hadn't. Merry hadn't felt a thing.

He licked his lips then, if only to get rid of this terrible memory faster. He knew it never would though. The best and worst moments of his life got combined into one very brief second. The moment he kissed Merry, the moment Merry rejected him.

He walked right by Rosie to the inside, making up excuses about sickness, locking the bathroom, crying on the toilet as quietly as he could. He cracked open the window to hear Merry outside.

"He's probably not sick. Me and Pip had an accidental little peck when Elanor shoved him into me when she found him. He's acting weird about it…I told him it was nothing. No hard feelings. Nothing serious." Merry was shrugging, biting into an apple he picked up off the table. Sam had been approaching, and had overheard like Merry had. Sam had bitten his lip, and Rosie shared the expression. Of course he told Rosie, and of course she still liked him. It was little comfort though.

"I don't know Merry. You might need to talk to him." Sam glanced at the window he knew Pippin to be hiding in. "Rosie and me were about to go anyways. I hope he feels better. I'll be seeing you Merry." Sam gathered up the kids and was gone before Merry had finished the apple. The man always understood. Now the difficult part.

Merry threw out the apple core and walked to the bathroom door. He knocked twice.

"Pip? Come on, Pip. It's fine. Please come out? I'll make supper and dessert." Merry bit his lip.

"I'm not hungry." That made Merry nervous. Pippin was always hungry.

"Look Pip, I'm not going to call you a queer or anything for it. It was simple and harmless. Elanor pushed you. I know you didn't kiss me on purpose. We're both not queers." And if that didn't break Pippin, nothing would. The door flung open, and Merry was happy at first. He thought the message had sunk in. It had, but not in the way he intended.

"Go away Merry. Leave me alone long enough to feel better." His face hadn't looked any better than when Merry first saw him run inside.

"I don't get it Pip. I said-"

"That it meant nothing. I got that, loud and clear. That it was just an accident and it was pointless. That it doesn't make anyone gay. I understand." Merry went to reach out to Pip, but the shoulder was jerked backwards.

"If you understand, then why…" Merry took the Took in. Pippin had accidently kissed him, Merry had gone on about how it was an accident, and Pip was upset. He didn't like what that added up to. "No…"

"Yes." Pippin looked away. Merry backed away.

"How long?"

"A week before we left with Frodo."

"And the kiss?"

"Was everything." Merry ran off, out the door, letting it swing on its hinges, while Pippin prepared for another lifetime without Merry.

#

It had taken a week to process it all. Merry couldn't look at Pippin for a week, staying at Sam's instead. They had only gotten a glimpse of each other once, when Merry went to pick up his things. He had saw Pippin leaving his room. Upon seeing Merry, Pippin walked right back in and locked the door.

Seven full days, and Pippin opened the door to the house for Merry. Neither looked quite happy.

"I figured you'd have moved back in with your family." Pippin's voice was flat, dull. Lifeless wasn't a good look on Pippin, and Merry flinched. The past week had been hard on him too, but comparing himself to Pippin, he looked like he'd merely had a bad hair day.

"Look Pippin, I'm sorry I ran off, but what did you expect? You basically up and confessed to me over something I thought was nothing. I was scared. Boy hobbits don't love boy hobbits."

"Funny, I wish I agreed." Pippin shut the door behind Merry, moving to the comfy chair. Lately he had rarely risen from bed, so it was a nice change of pace.

"Why Pippin? Why did you do this? Did you want to ruin our friendship?" Merry was confused beyond all belief. He didn't understand. Lads loved lasses. Lasses loved lads. Anything else wasn't normal. Upon glancing up, he realized his mistake quickly.

"You are a jerk Meriadoc Brandybuck. Of course I didn't fucking choose this! I would have loved to be able to fall over Diamond like you did Estella, but I can't!" His eyes were lit with fire now, angry. "I can't because I fell in love with you. It wasn't some choice I made! Why would I pick to be shunned? Why pick you just to lose you because of it?...I didn't choose to love you…I just did." By the end, the fury was gone. It was replaced by his standard sadness, no tears but lifeless.

"I just wanted to ask. I have no idea about any of this. I got chewed out by Sam and Rosie for taking so long to come back. I don't know what to do Pippin, because it's beyond me. What do I do?" Merry truly had no clue. Pippin just sighed.

"How do you treat a lass who likes you, but you only like as a friend?"

"Like a friend, with reminders that we're only friends." Merry thought about it. "But is it the same?"

"You treated me just fine before you knew." The monotone was getting to him, and Pippin seemed to be deflated. It was that or give up Pippin. He wasn't sure he could, even with this.

"So try and forget. I can try." Pippin stood up. Merry did too. Pippin hugged his best friend, gently crying on his shirt. Merry tried to forget.

#

"Pippin, I want to try something. Can you come with me?" That threw Pippin off, the sound of Merry coming to ask him to do something. The past two weeks had been touchy, with every good moment followed by an unpleasant awkwardness. Merry, to his credit, really was trying. Pippin tried not to be too obvious, but relaxed slightly at the fact that there wasn't anything he could reveal that Merry didn't know.

"Sure." He followed Merry out back, and into the woods. Each tree passed by slowly, crunching leaves, trying to puzzle this out. Merry had been so hot and cold, ignoring and then caring, happy and then distant. He could only hope this would be a caring one, or better yet, an explanation.

Merry stopped them in front of couple saplings, the rest of the forest being thick old trees. He grabbed Pippin's shoulders, and moved him in front of the saplings.

"I need you to close your eyes and trust me." Pippin hadn't thought not to until he said so. His eyes shut, and he felt a cloth being tied over them, and opened again to a blindfold, black and thick and tight. The ropes around his wrists tying him to a sapling made him breath hitch. What was he planning? He was helpless, and no one even knew where they were. The next thing he heard was Merry, a lot closer than he'd been since the accident.

"Don't talk…I just need…to see something." Pippin shivered at the breath on his ear, but bit his lips to keep quiet. He doubted Merry wanted him to enjoy any of this.

He took it back immediately as he felt Merry's hands gliding over his face. One hand twisted into his brown locks, the other trailing down his neck in random motions. His own hands strained at the bondage, and bit to keep quiet. He had no idea what was planned, but this just confused him.

The hands moved to his chest, dragging down it, scratching bits with their nails. Merry touched the sides, and even strayed to the back, but far enough away to still not have their bodies touching.

The hem of his shirt was lifted, and the now warm hands travelled across even warmer skin. The left was tweaking nipples, the right having gone up to trace Pippin's lips. Small whimpers and groans snaked through his lips, and he could feel his length twitching. So much feeling, the restraint, the fact it was _Merry_, and the way it was done.

The other half of his brain wrestled with the meaning. Did Merry like him now? Doubtful, but something had to lead to this. He wasn't making any sounds of him own, except when he'd tweaked both nipples and the same time and Pippin involuntarily bucked his hips. Was he just being mean? He could be horny but had no girls to use. Pippin would let him have his way. Everything he thought of didn't give him much hope to work on.

Merry had moved down, cupping and grasping his backside in a way that had Pippin full out moaning. So close to…

"_Merry!"_ The hand had strayed and cupped something else entirely, stiff and aching between his legs. The sensation brought him to his knees, teasing and something about the words 'first time' in the back of his head.

It ended as quickly as it began. At the mention of his name, Merry froze, then cut the cords bonding Pippin to the tree. By the time he removed the ropes, and got to the blindfold, Merry was gone.

#

Merry proceeded to act as though nothing had happened, an act which infuriated Pippin but refused to speak about. If he was going to be difficult, Pippin would be more so. He'd had enough of the lingering stares and quick excuses Merry made for everything now. He'd rather be tied to the tree again.

Though this time, only three days after, it wasn't a tree at all.

No rope and no blindfold.

Just in the closet.

Pippin had been searching for a shirt, when he'd been pushed inside. Merry refused to meet his eyes, but his hands began to wander like before. Pip didn't hold back his gasps, but refrained from grabbing anywhere but Merry's shoulders.

It seems he had paid attention, because he found the exact spot that made his moan rapidly, and Pippin expressed how amazing it was vocally. He stuck to noises, because he didn't want Merry to stop. Too good.

He grasp on his backside led to him wrapping one of his legs around a pretty muscular hobbit, trying to keep from bucking. With his eyes free though, he could see what he hadn't last time. Merry was avoiding looking him in the face. Actually avoiding might not be strong enough, because he didn't look at all. He was trying to see someone else, or keep Pippin out of it.

"Merry!" He hadn't meant to yell, but Merry had found it appropriate to lick his neck.

Merry had whirled around quickly, and started to flee, but he only got as far as the living room. Pippin was lusted and angry, a hectic combination indeed.

"Don't you dare leave. You look at me Meriadoc! I am not just someone you can molest and run from." Merry turned around and sat on the couch. Pippin sat on the same one.

"You don't get to just grope me and go. What is going on?" Merry faced him properly this time, and it was the first time he noticed how terrified Merry looked. Terrified and turned on, probably confused.

"I needed to know Pippin…but I didn't want to know it was you. I wanted to try, but not have to face it was you. To test it, but you're the only one I could with, and at first I tried to think of Estella…" Pippin growled, but Merry hurried his next words to keep from the angry rebuttal, "…but she's not you Pip."

"Why?"

"I can't figure it out." Pippin looked to him on the sofa they were both on.

"Then trust me." And before Merry had a second to respond, Pippin had him on the couch, only holding on to him long enough to lay him flat. "Stop me if you want." His hands began following the trails that Merry had done to him, except these were slower, loving. Pippin managed to keep himself under control at first. It was turnabout and fair play. It devolved quickly, mainly because Pippin DID know what he was doing.

Merry was still trying to look away, but the sounds drawn from him wracked his body. Nights with Estella had been few, and none had set him aflame like this, not even his first. Pippin was gliding over familiar territory, long years of wrestling and hugs and tickle fights morphing into a new sensation. When he finally met Pippin's eyes, he couldn't look away. He regretted not looking sooner.

In this teasing, Pippin had come to remember a detail missing from all other encounters. As if Merry too knew that it meant too much just fooling around with. Merry hadn't been braced for the kiss. This time he could feel it too, the fireworks. His head was spinning. He responded, probing Pippin's mouth with his tongue. Pippin moaned while Merry explored.

Merry had a resurgence of courage, sitting them up, so they could both be in control, something that hadn't crossed his mind until it was almost gone. The hands in each other's hair was tight, and Pippin broke them apart for air. The next one was just as hurried and breathless. The one after that was slower, but had strayed to the neck, leaving Pippin marked.

"I thought looking you in the eye would make it hard…knowing you for so long. It made it easier." Merry's body was still vibrating with the sheer intensity, so happy and lustful. He hadn't expected it.

"Give me a minute for seriousness…too much happiness for that." Pippin fell into a hug with Merry, whom we felt shaking too. It was so _much_.

"Happiness?"

"I have you, don't I? Everything else is automatically worth it." He cuddled into the blonde, too comfy to think sad thoughts. "All that's important is that was mind blowing and you felt something."

"But…"

"Later. I need this moment." Merry continued to hold him, stroking Pip's curls, something as natural as a sunset. He hadn't yet had time to think everything over, but Pippin was right. Spoiling this would solve nothing. They were more relaxed than they had been for months. Both hobbits fell asleep.

#

Waking up in Merry's arms had made Pippin's face split in a smile. Merry woke up about the same time as him, as he knew they had missed elevenses, lunch, and dinner. Both were hungry, but Merry needed answers more than food. Pippin wanted food, because he wanted to put off the answers. Merry let him go to stretch awake, and Pippin stretched out his arms. Merry looked worried. Pippin kissed his cheek and went to make food.

"Stew sound alright to you Merry?" And Merry came into the kitchen to help, nodding and cutting up vegetables. Pippin pulled out some meat and water.

"Pip…what are we gunna do now?" The silence filling the air was still intense, but Pippin kept himself quiet until everything was boiling together. Once it was just a matter of waiting, Pippin took a shaky breath.

"Really Merry it what you want it to be."

"Why is it my decision? This concerns both of us." Pippin shrugged, pulling out his pipe. He went to the back porch, where they could have privacy, and Merry took but a second to follow and light up the same. "A shrug is no answer Pippin." His sigh wasn't either.

"Because I know what I want Merry. I don't need to think it over." Merry chuckled.

"You never do, it seems." Pip smiled, but didn't comment. No need to say he always was thinking about this. Way to be creepy and obsessive. "Humor me. What would you do?" He took a smoke from the pipe, and kept his glance trained on the brunette. Pippin closed his eyes, like seeing a vision.

"We'd be together like all the other hobbit couples. Maybe adopt some orphan hobbits eventually, live here, and be happy regardless of what people think. I'd wake up and be with you always. That's what I want. I've always wanted it." Merry had been swept up in the beauty of it too, the vision playing across his own eyes as well. He had always wanted a family, and apparently Pippin did too. It was so happy, radiating sunshine. It warmed him, better than any fire, and it was certainly so much more than he could ever have pictured on his own.

"Then why keep it from me? I've already kissed you, you dolt." Laughter in tandem, sweet and light. Pippin leaned onto the shoulder of the blonde, ecstatic. Merry leaned down and kissed him, and it was just as perfect as that future that he could see with Pip.

"That you have."

"I think I love you Peregrin Took."

"I love you too Meriadoc Brandybuck."

#

"Wonderful!" Samwise exclaimed his surprise. He had expected his next visit to Pippin to be one full of sadness. In place, he found a positively radiant hobbit answering the door. Pippin managed to grab up Elanor and hug her first, brightly smiling all the while. It was contagious, as Sam could feel all his worries melt at the sight of it.

Merry had walked out, and Pippin had let the little girl down to hug her Uncle Merry as well. Pippin hurried Sam inside.

"It's cold, it's cold. Come in!" He hugged Sam too, Merry coming over to also hug him. It was a pleasant sight when Merry then hugged Pippin from behind right after.

"So I see you've gotten over yourselves. Proud of you, I am." Merry kissed Pippin's cheek.

"It just took me awhile. He figured it out first for once."

"Oi, I figure out things before you."

"Not really, dufus."

"Oh yeah?" And it was playful, and endearing. They were having a tickle fight, Elanor pouncing in on it. They both switched to her instead, and the amount of happiness here rivaled the amount Sam felt when the quest had finally ended. Finally.

The life of a gay hobbit turned out pretty nicely. It had resulted in a few extra glares or leers from the others, but Sam, Rosie, Frodo, and the children could care less. The family was furious at first, Merry's more than his own, as his own had seen it coming. The promise of adoption did help them to calm themselves, not prevent anger, but keep from death threats and vandalism.

#

It was a calm three months, and every moment played like a dream for Pippin. Even small arguments were nothing, just a reminder to fight for what he wanted. The anger never held long against each other.

Pippin was cleaning their room, as they had recently felt close enough to share, reaching up to the ceiling to get some cobwebs from the corner, when he felt Merry. He had taken away the duster, tossing it behind them, but kept Pip pinned to the corner. His breathe was hot on his ear.

"Hello Pippin." Merry was pressed against him from behind, and he could feel the hardness of his cousin on his lower cheeks. Pippin moaned at the kisses lining his neck, each making his breath hitch.

"Mer-ahhhh… " The words wouldn't come out, not when Merry bit down in the place he had surely been marked before. Pip had his hands against the wall, trying to grasp onto something. Merry didn't allow him to say much, only wordless noises of pleasure as his hands groped and tweaked the pinned brunette. Pip's shirt had come off at some point, but the feel of Merry also shirtless against him made him stop caring.

"You're so _sensitive,_ Pippin." Merry trailed a hand across the crotch of his pants, barely touching. Merry chuckled, low and throaty against his ear. Pippin was dizzy, as there had never been much foreplay with Merry. There had also never been full on sex with him either, but hands and mouths were a wonderful compromise.

"Tease…" Pippin laid his head back, giving Merry a better position to bite. The exposed neck was red from the blush that Pip had up to his ears, and possibly down to his toes. A hand slid into his pants, but not his underwear. It was gentle, trying to arouse but not finish, while they managed to kiss.

It wasn't a fight for dominance, but more a show of love. Pippin could taste every bit of Merry, and Merry took advantage of his distraction to pull down the brunette's pants. He was clad in only underwear now, and with lips still locked, turned him around.

Pippin's now free hands could wander, but mostly tangled themselves in his love's hair. Closer, more. Merry pulled a leg up around his waist, and Pip lifted the other, leaning on the wall while Merry got impossibly closer.

Pippin was lifted, held by Merry's strong arms, and felt his back hit the bed, but never getting farther from Merry. The blonde was getting as close as he could, but a certain slowness was present, one of not wanting to go to fast, to enjoy every moment. Pippin couldn't do anything besides enjoy. Every feeling was still overwhelming, as it had been the first time they had done anything even remotely intimate.

"Merry, pants…off." His voice sounded as gone as he was, but there was too many layers between their lengths, and each one was hindering this. Pippin had to look away, member twitching, when he found Merry had forgone underwear.

"Like what you see?" Pippin flushed darker.

"So much. Merry, please, I need-oohhhhh!" Merry had interrupted with a grind that had sent his brain elsewhere. Still dizzy, he managed to grab one of the hands that had been holding him and place them on his own underwear. Merry oblidged.

It was dragged off patiently; making sure Pip could feel the waistband over every inch of his length. Merry could see the words tease being mouth between the moans, Pip's back arching and eyes falling shut. They stood naked, as they had a few times before. Pippin bucked towards him, making sure their members touched.

"Pip…I was thinking…" Merry smiled fondly as Pip's confused and faraway look.

"Now?" He pulled Merry into a searing kiss. Merry almost forgot what he'd been about to say. "All thoughts should be on me, naked." Merry growled, making Pippin shiver. He loved dominant Merry, the one grinding up against him ferociously, but he stopped again.

"They are. I want to take you Pippin." They were still lying on the bed, Merry hovering less than a foot above him. Pip lifted his head for what looked like another kiss, but instead rubbed noses with his foolish hobbit lover.

"Then do it Merry. I want to be yours, truly." Despite the crackling air, the smile managed to be sweet and sincere, innocent. Merry smiled back, pushing their foreheads together.

"I love you Pippin."

"Love you too." The kiss was chaste, but Merry had to go to the nearby night stand to retrieve the jar of oil he had managed to get and hide. It was a hard search to figure out what to do with a man, especially to one you cared about. Pippin was clearly just as unknowing, but trusted Merry to do whatever he wanted.

He dipped three fingers in the oil, moving to just outside Pippin's entrance. He slowly pushed one finger in, fighting against the muscles. It felt fine enough for him. Pippin didn't protest, just looked a bit uncomfortable. It seemed odd, but he knew he had to do this.

When he had moved it in and out a few times, he added another, and this time it elicited a small gasp, and even more when he pumped the both of them.

"Are you alright? Can I add the last?" Pippin just nodded, but groaned at the intrusion. Was Merry bigger than this? He was, he remembered. Merry had to take him though. So he fought through the pain as best he could, relaxing though he felt stretched. Merry had tried to stretch his fingers apart, but Pippin was so tight, tighter than Estella had been. Pippin's erection had flagged little, but his face wasn't one of ecstasy. Merry pulled them out and covered his erection in oil to help.

"Are you sure about this Pip? I don't want to hurt you."

"Yes. Please Merry." They made eye contact, but Pippin had to break away at the insertion. Merry went a little faster than he should have, but he wanted to end the pain as quickly as he could. Pippin was wondering if Merry had lied and shoved his hand in instead. He was stretched, full beyond belief, and still in pain. He nodded to Merry, once the pain was as dull as it could be, and the thrust brought it back again. It was painful, and Pippin had to breathe deeply to rein it in. Merry did it again, but he was finding it hard to slow. The tightness was so wonderful. The oil had made it slick, easy to move, and if Pippin had not been in pain, he would have been going crazy with the feeling.

The third thrust was the first Pippin felt any pleasure in the movements. The hot pain had been a bit duller, the realization he was being right fucked by Merry a bit clearer. The stretch was becoming less and less painful, and by the fifth, he had moaned approval. Merry had started speeding up, pushing Pippin's legs onto his shoulders. Each thrust was deeper, and Pippin was finally enjoying it.

"Fuck!" Merry had shifted, and had pushed inside at a different angle. Pippin's cry had scared him; he froze.

"Don't stop! Do it again!" And he had. Pippin cried out again, arching and gasping. The silent moans had vanished, replaced by words. Merry quite liked the vocal Pippin.

"Ah fuck me, Merry! Please! Fuck! MerryMerryMerryMerryMerry…" It became hotter than the fires of Mount Doom, air thick with lust, and the crescendo was coming, for both of them. Merry had been about to reach for Pippin's leaking erection, but another hard thrust at his sweet spot blew Pippin over the edge.

He was practically convulsing in pleasure, his wall tightening down on the blonde's own length, dragging a release from him as well, deep inside the hobbit he so loved. They collapsed side by side, Pippin still shaking. Merry was jittery as well.

"Fuck…" Merry was still catching his breath. He was spent as he could be. He put everything into doing this with Pippin.

"I'll say…that was…" Pippin was cuddling against him, trembling more at the feel of Merry so close. The soreness of his body was nothing he couldn't get over.

"Amazing." Merry finished for him. Hot and sticky, but so boneless, the two hobbits could only bathe in the afterglow. They had finally had each other.

"I love you so much Merry. Only you can do this to me…make me come so undone." Pippin was yawning now, spent from the intense feelings and motions and pleasure he had received and given. It was perfect, just like everything else. He and Merry were perfect.

"I love you too Pippin. Nothing can ever keep me from you again." He kissed him on the nose, and Pippin still blushed, just as innocent as ever. He pulled the covers up over them, leaving the mess until after a nap gaining back their energy. "Good Night Pip."

"Good night Merry." And as the darkness took him, he couldn't think of another place in the whole universe better than this. There could not be a single person happier than him. Life had come together. His happiness had always been Merry's. And now, Merry's was his.

POWERPUFFS621


End file.
